ADHD and perfectionism: when “not good enough” stops you starting

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  • Australasian ADHD Professionals Association (2022). Australian evidence-based clinical practice guideline for attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD).
  • Strohmeier, C. W., Rosenfield, B., DiTomasso, R. A., & Ramsay, J. R. (2016). Assessment of the relationship between self-reported cognitive distortions and adult ADHD, anxiety, depression, and hopelessness. Psychiatry Research.
  • Young, Z., Moghaddam, N., & Tickle, A. (2020). The efficacy of cognitive behavioral therapy for adults with ADHD: A systematic review and meta-analysis of randomized controlled trials. Journal of Attention

    ADHD and perfectionism: high standards that stop you starting

    If you live with ADHD and perfectionism, you’ll know this feeling. You want to do it properly. Not just adequately. Properly.

    The email needs exactly the right wording. The presentation has to look professional before anyone sees it. The first paragraph needs to sound right before you can write the second.

    So you hesitate. You research a little more. Rewrite the opening. Change the format. Or you don’t start at all, because you don’t have the time, energy or focus to do it to the standard you expect.

    Perfectionism can look like high standards. But sometimes high standards become a barrier to action.

    Why ADHD and perfectionism can collide

    Perfectionism isn’t a symptom of ADHD, and not every adult with ADHD struggles with it. But the two can combine badly.

    If starting a task already takes effort, adding the rule that you must start well raises the bar even higher.

    There may also be history behind it. Years of forgotten tasks, missed details, criticism or inconsistent results can make mistakes feel unusually important. Some people compensate by checking more, preparing more, or refusing to begin until they’re sure they can get it right.

    One small study of 30 adults with ADHD found that perfectionism was the most commonly reported type of unhelpful thinking pattern. It’s early evidence, not proof that ADHD causes perfectionism. Broader research links unhelpful perfectionism with procrastination, and shows that cognitive behavioural approaches can reduce perfectionistic thinking.

    The practical lesson is simple. You don’t need to lower every standard. You need to stop applying the finished standard to the first attempt.

    Listen to your own instructions

    Notice the phrases that quietly raise the stakes:

    • “I have to get this right.”
    • “I should already know this.”
    • “If I start, I have to finish.”

    These are instructions you’re giving yourself, and they can be questioned. Try replacing “I have to do this perfectly” with “I’m making the first workable version.”

    In my practice, I’ve noticed that people can become so focused on doing something correctly that they lose access to the very first imperfect step. Lowering the standard for a moment isn’t giving up on quality. It’s creating a way into the task.

    Strategy 1: Separate making from improving

    Give the first version a different job. Its job isn’t to be good. Its job is to exist.

    Label it ROUGH DRAFT, VERSION 0.1 or NOT FOR SENDING. Then make something deliberately incomplete:

    • An email: write the message without polishing every sentence.
    • A report: put the headings down before perfecting the wording.
    • A presentation: make plain slides with the main ideas before touching fonts and images.
    • Cleaning: choose one area and make it better, instead of insisting the whole room is finished.

    You’re splitting one hard task into two easier ones: make something, then make it better. Trying to do both at once is what makes starting so hard.

    Strategy 2: Decide the standard before you begin

    Not every task deserves your highest level of effort. Try sorting tasks into three levels:

    • Good enough: routine emails, basic admin, household jobs.
    • Solid: normal professional work that needs to be accurate and clear.
    • High stakes: work where errors have real consequences or quality genuinely matters.

    This isn’t permission to be careless. It’s permission to match your effort to the consequence.

    Strategy 3: Put a boundary on polishing

    Without a stopping point, polishing can quietly become another form of avoidance. Try:

    • “Draft for 20 minutes. Edit once. Send.”
    • “Finish the first version today. Improve it tomorrow.”

    If you still can’t let it be imperfect

    Ask yourself what you think will happen if it isn’t excellent. Will someone judge you? Will one mistake prove you’re not capable? Are you imagining a far bigger consequence than the situation carries? Or is this genuinely high stakes, where careful checking is right?

    For a low-risk task, run a small experiment. Send the email after one review. Share a draft labelled “draft”. Then notice what actually happens. Most of the time, useful work is enough, and it doesn’t need to be flawless.

    What the research says about ADHD and perfectionism

    Clinical guidelines in Australia and overseas support structured psychological approaches for adults with ADHD, and cognitive behavioural therapy works directly with unhelpful thinking patterns like perfectionism. The strategies here apply those principles. They aren’t separately tested ADHD treatments.

    Where kinesiology fits

    When ADHD and perfectionism show up together, perfectionism often sits on top of stress and old beliefs about not being good enough. Kinesiology isn’t a treatment for ADHD and doesn’t replace medical care, but in my practice I work with people on the limiting beliefs and patterns that keep resurfacing, so trying, and sometimes getting it wrong, feels safer.

    If ADHD and perfectionism are getting in the way of your work, study or wellbeing, talk with your GP too.

    Related reading:

    Finding it hard to focus or get started? Find out how our learning and focus sessions can help, or call +61 421 055 680 to book your assessment in Sydney City or Surry Hills.

    Your action right now

    Choose one task you’ve delayed because you want to do it properly. Write VERSION 0.1 at the top. Then make the roughest useful first version you can, before you allow yourself to improve it.

    Don’t demand finished quality from a first attempt.

    This article draws on a practical guide to ADHD in everyday life that I’m currently writing. It’s general information only and isn’t medical advice.

    References

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